Tag Archives: Smarter Than You

Exclusive: Singles – Citizen Dick – Smarter Than You Review

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Have you ever wondered what the full review of Citizen Dick’s album said? Jeff was trying to spare Cliff’s feeling, but we won’t. We keep things going for Singles Week with the full review!!

CITIZEN DICK
Smarter Than You (LP)
Real Clever Records

Once again, when the Cliff Poncier begins swinging… you know what you’re in for. More pompous, dick-swinging swill from a man who has haunted the local scene for much too long. You wish that Cliff would move to another town, like Minneapolis or Los Angeles or New York. A town where he could disappear into the masses and not stand out like the relentlessly mediocre talent that he is.

Mediocre? Well, that’s probably a rather kind term for the kind of music that Poncier’s new band purports to play. This is Seattle grunge rock at its predictable and painful best/worst. Slashing guitars mesh with sonically ‘treated’ vocals to create a kind of desperate preening, prodding and chugging mess. Mark Arm probably dreams about music like this, and then wakes up grateful. In fact, Citizen Dick makes groups like Gruntruck and Sadhappy sound like geniuses.

The very cover of this album makes me want to piss blood. There is Poncier, his arms spread like a scabarous messiah, begging to be appreciated. I remember when Poncier met my sister at the Central one night. He called her answering machine for a month straight, leaving yearning and dull-minded, semi-pornographic messages of love. And my sister is not good-looking. It makes you wonder about Poincier, and it makes me wonder about me. Why my life has come to this. Reviewing the music of a puss-faced immature pussy hound with a fake wig for hair.

And that’s me being kind.

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Filed under News
May 17, 2017

Movie Mastermind?! Maybe not…

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UK movie magazine, Empire, runs a monthly column entitled Movie Mastermind. The object is to stump a filmmaker or actor based on questions from their own films. Cameron was the lucky target for April and here’s how it went…

1. In Singles, Citizen Dick’s LP, Smarter Than You, is released on which label?

Oh man . . . is it not Sub Pop? Ah, you’re killing me. I’m trying to visualize the review on my wall where I used to hang it. Was it . . . Real Clever Records? We wrote a whole review you know. It was a compilation of every hideous Creem magazine review I remembered ever being written.

 Correct

2. In Say Anything…, Lloyd drives past the Guild 45th theatre, which is showing another John Cusack film. What is it?

Tapeheads.

 Correct

3. In your cameo in Minority Report, what newspaper are you reading?

USA Today. I’m a terrible actor, as you already know from my cameo in Singles, but I went for it. Instantly Steven Spielberg realized how bad I was and put me in the background with a newspaper to read. At one point during the rehearsal, I looked up and (Tom) Cruise was giving me this venomous look. I was like, “What are you looking at me like that for? Come on man, it’s just a rehearsal…” Then I heard from Steven, “Okay, cut, we’ve got it!” I was like, “You fucker! You pulled the bad actor trick on me!”

 Correct

4. In Almost Famous, what the full names of the band members of Stillwater – and the actors who played them?

There’s John Fedevich, the drummer, Mark Kozelek is the bassist, Billy Crudup is the guitarist Russell Hammond, the great Jeff Bebe is Jason Lee. But now I need the other names. . . Silent Ed Vallencourt is Fedevich! So now we’re down to the bassist (laughs). Now, Mark Kozelek plays LARRY FELLOWS! (laughs) Man, do I feel good about that!

 Correct

5. In Elizabethtown, how much money does Drew’s company lose from the Spasmodica shoe?

It was almost a billion dollars, my friend. [Hears precise answer] Oh, well, come on, what’s a few million dollars between friends?

1/2 point. The correct answer is $972 million.

6. In Fast Times at Ridgemont High, what book is Arnold reading while at the pep rally?

Shhhhhhhhit. Don’t have it. Love Arnold, forgot his book.

The correct answer is The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger. 

7. What is the first line of Paul McCartney’s Vanilla Sky?

(Starts humming the tune) I’ve got to visualize the end of the movie and I’m there. Right, here is is: “The chef prepares a special menu for your delight.”

 Correct

8. Warner Bros. didn’t initially approve of Singles‘ title – can you name three of their original suggested alternatives?

Come As You Are, that’s one. (Chuckles) They always suggest One Hot Summer, that’s a given. Fuck, were they all Nirvana songs? I have to think about this carefully, much pain was attached to this. Was something like Addicted To Love one of them? (Hears the answer). Man, you went deep for that question, didn’t ya?

1/2 point. The correct answer is Addicted to Love, Come As You Are, In The Midnight Hour, Love in Seattle, Leave Me A Message.

9. Finish the line from Jerry Maguire: “I am out here, for you . . . “

I want to say, “Doing it…” Goddamn it! (Hears the answer) Oh, man, SHIT! For the sheer pleasure of rediscovering that line with you, I will accept the loss of question nine

The correct answer is “You don’t know what it’s like to be me out here for you. It is an up-at-dawn, pride-swallowing siege that I will never fully tell you about, okay?”

10. In Rod Tidwell’s advert for Reebok, eventually cut from Jerry Maguire, what is tattooed on the side of his head?

Crap. you guys are good. I know I don’t have it, you know I don’t have it . . . Now why on earth did I work so hard to stop that advertisement? (laughs)

The correct answer is “IN ROD WE TRUST”. 

Filed under News
Apr 20, 2012

  • Almost Famous- Paramount+, AMC+
  • David Crosby: Remember My Name- Starz
  • Elizabethtown- FUBO
  • Say Anything...- Disney+, Hulu, AMC+
  • Vanilla Sky- Paramount+,Showtime
  • We Bought A Zoo- Disney+, Roku